EA

Hey, beautiful young lady, I know you're not in a good mood, even if it is your birthday tonight.
I know what you are passing through, I know you hide it with a very beautiful smile, I know it is not just a thanaweya thing, I know.
Just like you know how you affected my life in a very positive way, I didn't have the chance to write you good things in your previous birthdays, I let you down, didn't I?..
But even if you didn't remember my last birthday when all people did, and even if you were mad at me and didn't let me know, I still appreciate that special bond that keeps us together despite us taking different paths.
And even if  our friendship didn't last forever, I'll always remember that beautiful passerby who left a special fingerprint on my heart and has always been pushing me to fly and to believe.
You know how much I love you and how much I appreciate our friendship, you're too good, esr, you've always been that kind of person who understands, notices the unnoticed, supports for nothing in return.
You supported me along the way and you don't know how much I appreciate that even if I didn't express my thankfulness.
Remember our night talks?, when inspiration was flooding them?, I still have them, I am in love with them, I still have a document called 'Estefzaz Esraa', WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, FILTHY KID?!!!
Remember when you told me how you love us sharing interests?, I didn't have the chance to tell that I too do :).
A very kind-hearted, good, unique, smart, pretty, determined, vulnerable, selfless, and amazing person was born years ago, and it's a bless to me and to those who love your existence and your existence comforts them.
I wish you all good things, I wish you kill cancer, I wish you become a very great healer.
Whether or not you know, be sure that you occupy a very special room in my heart, right between the left atrium and the left ventricle :P, I know it is not funny. Sorry.
I really love you, my dear friend.
Happy birthday, beautiful. <3

"Good friends are like stars, you don't always see them, but you know they're always there." ~

why

In such days , my eyes look pale and disappointed , my vertebral column arch , my voice sobs, my throat stats to give me warnings of tears arrival and my sleep pattern changes, the number of questions i give 'why' increases and everything seems so unclear , i can't find the right words to express , maybe one word can do me a favor , it's ~

WHY?

me and the window

Today , i was talking to God , as usual , when life gives me it's back

I turn to him to catch the hereafter , selfish me.

this's what my fist side says , but my other , the innocent one admits my habit of talking to him

regardless all this contradictions

I love talking to God , i love seeing his creation during my conversation with him

i see him within everything ; the sea , the sky , the clouds , the stars , people ..

i feel his nearness , despite the fact that sometimes my faith degree becomes low but i always feel Him

Yesterday , it was raining heavily , so i quickly ran to my balcony , to talk to Him , i talked , prayed and expressed everything

I gave justifications , told him of my lack of faith shamelessly

Suddenly , something caught my attention

A half-broken window that was about to fall over people

I quickly ran to my mother , told her of that

she told them and they fixed the problem by breaking it all and throwing it away

After that , i laid on my bed , thought of that thing

"Is it an omen? , Is God trying to send me a message?"

the two parts of my brain was having such a scary argument with each other

"Am i the window? , would i harm people?"

"or my faith is the window?"

"or I'm gonna save the world? "

_________________________________________________

 I missed my desktop background , so I was deleting the useless stuff , and I found this incomplete document

I thought of sharing it , it may inspire anyone and it may not

but I decided to share.

A lifetime friend.

My apologies won't be enough , but let's hope that you'll understand the fact that i'm 

living an unbalanced life ,

Although my life is empty and pale , I can't remember my beloved ones' birthday dates , i have no time to buy them gifts ,

but the thing is , i'm busy doing everything which makes my life unbalanced , i'm not going to justify myself because i got sad after you had forgotten my birthday date , but see now! , KARMA IS SALVA , I swear i had no hands in this 

But there's a last hope , birthday wishes can be sent throughout the day , 

throughout THE DAY

صديقَتى الصدُوقة ...

مكنتش عاوزة أكتبلك كلام عادي أو أمُنيات عادية أو حاجات معتادة زي أي شخص . بس ما أظنش إنى كان ممكن أتمنالك إنك تكونى فى مكان أحسن من اللى إنتى فيه دلوقت . أي نعم بقالى فترة مشوفتكيش بس كله يهون عشان الكعبة

النهار ده كملتى سبعاشر سنة . يعنى رسمياً مفروض يكون معاكى بطاقة تحقيق شخصية ودا شىء يخلينى ابدأ  مقولكيش يا يخة أو يِعا أو يخوخ عشان المنظر العام وبالتالى ذوقى المبالغ فيه ده

 مفروض يحثك على إنك على الأقل تبطلى تخترعى أسامى عجيبة ليا

I don't know what i should say in such an occasion , it's so important to me , I'm grateful to god to have you , such a sincere friend

17 years ago , your mother was fighting death , and she won 

thanks goes to Allah   

 you add a very special kind of positivity to my life , my all days-supporter

 my pure-hearted , kind , popular , fun friend

my ambitious (yet lazy) , joyful , childish (yet so mature) , crazy ( عايزة أمشى بحرية يا هبه )

nature-lover ( الشجر والسما عند شفيق ) friend

my lions-lover ( one day , my birthday gift will be a lion cub) , source of inspiration ( remember that day before you traveled when we stood on my balcony , we had a conversation full of inspiration ) 

my telescope-searcher friend  (dubbizle) , my (motazakerty 3end lafz ay kelma leha 3elaka bel telescopes wel space) friend 

I love how you can draw a smile on my face even when my soul is felling pain ,

I've just surfed the internet about friendship quotes , and every single word is applicable to our friendship

yes Aristotle , we're a single soul dwelling in two bodies

yes Ralph Waldo Emerson , we can afford to be stupid with each other

yes Elbert Hubbard , I know her and love her just the same

Yes Jim Morrison , she gives me total freedom to be myself

yes Marcel Proust , she's my charming gardener who makes my soul blossom

yes Charles Kingsley , she's a great hearted young lady

yes Khalil Gibran , I find my morning and refreshing by remembering our memories ( aywa ya khalil ,3araby akheran)

I swear none of those words are fake , I meant all of them , I mean everything i said and still saying and will say , you're my friend , companion , sidekick and backbone

and i wish you nothing but happiness and love and peace

May Allah bless all your days , dear friend

( i wish all these words made you happy or even smile)

The black spot

The black spot

It’s situated in my brain 

It masters me partially sometimes it’s the main

I feel it because it always gives me pain 

when i think I will love , it becomes more dark

I ask god to forgive and i’ll mark

but it always spreads all over my mind 

but I say “I’ll never mind”

One day it will disappear

but suddenly its intensity becomes million amperes 

I can’t manage it or even deal with

it sometimes gives me partial death

I ask my heart to help , but it always neglects

it pumps more blood and redirects

I ask my eye to forget and see more beauty

but It rather sees more iniquity

I ask my ear to stop hearing , but i can’t steer

it’s the truth , that you can’t love everything or even have passion for

i ask more and more

but i become in more stupor

because you’ll never love , but you’ll more despise

I ask for medical treatment

but I realise that I’m my own therapist 

I’m neither sheepish nor coward

but I can’t step forward

because it masters me partially , sometimes it’s the main

It’s the acute chain of hate

once , my brain defended and said , “I don’t ever hate”

but I presented an evidence about black spot existence

But it disobeyed to surrender and started cleaning mood 

and it became more odd

because the dark spot was fading away 

but brain stopped suddenly , when it signalized to eye and saw that other brains are in deep mess

We suddenly forgot honesty

I , Heba , would like to say something to everyone , I don't like advices , but it's not an advice , it's a reminder to everyone who forget about the basis of every relationship , which's 'honesty' , yeah , it's as important as respect , i don't know why somebody would live a lifetime convincing himself that he loves somebody who he actually -from the bottom of his heart- doesn't love , I personally faced a situation like that , faced it's details , it's micro details , I have a friend who is loved by almost everyone , she's kind , doesn't do anything to anyone which would hurt him and this is beautiful , but suddenly a classmate considered her a friend , best friend , she's sensitive , she didn't tell her that she's nothing to her , but she should've said , why lying? , in order to not hurt that classmate? , huh! , hurting her is telling her 'i love you , my friend' when she doesn't , hurting her is listening to her problems hatefully and grudgingly , hurting her is in her joy telling her mother about how blessed she is to have you in her life , hurting her is thinking about you and how to make you happy by a gift or whatever and she coincidentally cross your mind when you watch a pathetic scene in a film , hurting her is stopping your conscience from shouting at her and telling her that she's not your best friend , hurting her is thanking god when she leaves , hurting her is ignoring her when she needs you ,blablabla but telling the truth will hurt her one time , it'll take along time to forget but she'll be fine without you and your sympathy , she'll be fine with someone who loves her truly , just let her go , do it and hurt her one time instead of hurting her many many times , don't make your evil side beat your good one , by proving to yourself that you're needed , let your good side win , let karma do good for you